Till Death! Marriage Problems on Mipross!
A cute Highlander based story writen by Nepha and Ivy again, with a comedic twist!
Till Death! Marriage Problems on Mipross!
Gourry Gabriev walked through the door of his old house on Mipross to hear a very unusual sound from within. Walking in further, he found Zelgadis Graywords sitting on the counter meditating.
“You could do that up on the deck, the view’s better,” chuckled Gourry sarcastically.
“It calms the spirit, you should try it sometime,” mumbled Zelgadis, opening his eyes.
“I forgot to ask, how are things going in Feli?” Gourry finally asked.
“Queen Arial is making me give up my sword in order to ‘properly’ learn the ways of being a prince. I hate not fighting,” whined Zelgadis.
“So practice on your spare time,” shrugged Gourry.
“I’m sure I’ll have spare time between being with Nepha and solving disputes between countries,” Zelgadis said sarcastically.
“Well, it’s your fault for sitting there,” Gourry laughed, opening a letter he had received.
“Anything interesting?” questioned Zelgadis curiously, looking at the letter in his friend’s hand.
“I’ll let you know,” Gourry stated almost flatly. He looked at the letter and his face lightened, walking past Zelgadis from behind as he spoke. “Oh, Akira and Amaya Midori are getting married again.”
“I thought they were already married,” Zelgadis stated, looking over his right shoulder at Gourry.
“Well, they are, but they renew their vows every year.”
Zelgadis stretched his legs from his meditation position.
“Madly in love, huh?”
“More like gluttons for punishment.”
“I was gonna get married once.”
Zelgadis hopped down from where he was sitting.
“You were gonna get married once?”
“Yeah. Not one of us, though. Too much of a commitment for me to make. You’d have to love someone a hell of a lot to be married to someone for 10 years. Tough to imagine, huh?”
“No, it’s not.” Gourry chuckled. “Not if you knew Amaya. An old friend of mine, Kale Decha, and I were both madly in love with her.”
Zelgadis chuckled a bit.
“And how did she choose this Akira fellow over you two? I don’t know how she could resist both of you?”
Gourry shook his head slightly.
“Ten years ago, Amaya told us of a shipment of gold that had been stolen off a boat, a shipment that had belonged to her.” He looked out the window at the shoreline beyond. “We went to the chateau of the culprit, a notorious thief by the name of Akira Midori. Kale and I were verbally fighting the whole way there over who was going to help Amaya get her gold back.”
“Sounds like an interesting evening,” Zelgadis commented with a smile.
“Well, we finally got in and found Akira. He and I started to fight, only in a very short period of time, Akira had forgotten the fight, for he was distracted by Amaya. She ended up going to dinner with him, leaving Kale and I standing in shock in the foyer of his chateau.” He chuckled and shook his head a bit. “About a month later, I went back to the chateau because I got a letter from Amaya asking me to meet her on urgent business. I arrived, only to find Kale. He had gotten almost the exact same letter, with the same date and place.”
“That Amaya girl must’ve had something in mind.”
“Kale figured out that Amaya must’ve been getting married, and decided that it was him she had chosen. Of course, being as stubborn as I usually am, I thought it was me. When she finally arrived, she spoke as if she was going to marry the both of us.” Zelgadis couldn’t help but laugh at this. “Turns out, she wanted us to give her away.”
“So... basically... the whole meeting was to tell you she was getting married to that Akira guy.”
“Though neither of us liked it, we agreed, and gave Amaya away at her wedding.” He smiled and lowered his eyes. “The marriage was made in heaven.”
Meanwhile, at the Midori chateau.
“How dare you say that?!” Amaya shouted, looking extremely angry.
“What?! It’s true! I swear, I don’t know what you want sometimes!!”
“That’s because you never listen! I try and try to talk to you, but you just shut me out.”
“Do you blame me?! All you do is nag!”
At this point, Gourry entered the room. Looking back and forth between the two, he blinked.
“Did I come at a bad time?”
“No, Gourry, you came at just the right time,” stated Amaya.
“To see what? To see you act like a spoiled brat?” growled Akira.
“No... Just in time for you to help clean up the mess,” Amaya responded with a smirk, resting her hand on a vase.
“What mess?” He paused, until he noticed her hand. “No, Amaya, not the Ming vase... my mother gave that to m...” Akira started, but he was too late.
Amaya pushed the vase off the table, causing it to shatter to the floor. Akira let out an exasperated sigh.
“Well, what do you expect from a brat?” smirked Amaya, walking up to Akira.
She walked away as Gourry took a seat quietly. Akira, still shocked and amazed, was kneeling next to what was left of the vase, picking up pieces of the glass.
“How are things going?” Gourry asked quietly.
“You know, I could kill her,” Akira responded absently. “I could just... kill her.”
A bit later, Gourry and Akira were walking outside.
“You two have been married for so long,” Gourry stated.
“Yeah, too long,” sighed Akira. “This wedding is a nightmare. I hire a rock band, she wants a string quartet. If I hire strings, she’ll probably want rap! She’s driving me crazy!”
“Aw, c’mon, Akira,” smiled Gourry. “Every marriage has its ups and downs. You have to expect that sometimes.”
“Well, lately, it’s all been down.” He sighed. “I’ll be honest with you, Gourry, it hasn’t been good for us for the last two years.”
“It’s not just the wedding! It’s everything I say, everything I do. It’s like living with a giant vulture! She’s just waiting for me to screw up so she can rip my heart out...” He shook his head. “I never thought I’d say this, but I think it’s over between us.”
“Akira, you two were meant for each other. No one’s loved you like she has. You know that.”
“The woman has been impossible to live with.”
“So it’s all her fault?”
“Absolutely!! She’s bossy, she’s opinionated, she never listens!!”
“Well, it sounds like the woman we all fell in love with.” He paused. “Akira, you’ve been married to her for 10 years. You have to expect the ride to be bumpy once in a while, and you know that.”
“You’re right.” He looked at the ground, then back up at Gourry. “I’m such an idiot.”
Gourry smiled, patting Akira on the back.
“That’s the spirit!”
“She is the only woman for me, and we were meant for one another.” He walked up to Gourry. “I’m going to make it up to her and this’ll all pass!”
The two then heard a sound, and turned to find Amaya.
“Here’s your chance,” Gourry stated quietly.
“Akira, could you come here please?” Amaya called quietly.
Akira walked over to Amaya, sighing.
“Look, Amaya, I’m sorry, I’ve been a little uptight. We’ll have the string quartet, we’ll have the pink linen, whatever it takes to make you happy,” he smiled.
“It’s not the music, Akira, or the linen,” Amaya sighed. “It’s not the wedding that’s the problem.”
“What then?” Akira offered. “Name it, my love, and it’s yours.”
Amaya looked at Gourry, who nodded a bit in encouragement with a slight smile. She then looked back at Akira.
“What I want is a divorce.”
Gourry’s face went stone and Akira stared at her, as she turned and walked away. He turned and looked at Gourry, with the shocked expression. They started pacing, in opposite directions.
After a few moments, they stopped to look at each other. Gourry shrugged, and they went to pacing again.
“She’s leaving, Gourry... She’s really leaving...” Akira blurted, mildly in shock.
Gourry was sitting against a box.
“Is there any chance she’ll change her mind?” he questioned.
“She divided up the antique collection,” Akira sighed.
“The antiques?!” Gourry said after a breath. “She’s leaving.”
“I don’t know what to do,” Akira said desperately. “I’ve tried making up, I’ve tried everything.” He sighed. “Maybe if I bought her something... there’s a new carriage coming out...”
“You could buy her every carriage on Mipross, it still wouldn’t change her mind,” Gourry countered. “Whatever she wants... she doesn’t want things.”
“Gourry... She trusts you more than anyone else,” pleaded Akira. “You can talk to her.”
“What, and say what?!” Gourry blurted. “Please, Amaya, give Akira another chance?”
“Well, you could think of something better than that,” sighed Akira, “I know you could.”
“Amaya... give Akira another chance.”
Gourry couldn’t believe he had just said that.
“He’s had a thousand chances,” Amaya said with a shake of her head. “I gave that man the best decade of my life.”
“Then don’t throw it away,” Gourry stated, chuckling a bit.
“Maybe it should have been over a long time ago,” Amaya sighed.
“Come on, Amaya, you don’t mean that,” pushed Gourry. “He loves you... and you love him.”
“Maybe we’re not meant to spend more than ten years together,” Amaya continued, practically ignoring Gourry. “I mean, who mates for life? Swans, geese, lobsters?”
“Akira and you were meant to, you know that.”
“Sometimes I think about the old days. Remember?” She smiled. “When it was just you, me, and Kale?” Gourry was looking around, but Amaya knew he remembered. “I thought you loved me then.”
Gourry chuckled and shook his head.
“We both did.” He looked up at her. “But not as much as you loved Akira. When you set eyes on him, you couldn’t even see us.”
“My mistake.” She sighed. “Now Kale is dead, and the old days are gone. Now, it’s all habit, like putting on an old pair of shoes.” She looked up at the tall swordsman. “We’ll both start new lives. It’s time, Gourry. All things must come to an end.”
She got up on tiptoes and kissed his cheek, then got into her carriage as the driver closed the door. Gourry started to walk away, looked back once as she left, then continued on.
As Gourry approached a few minutes later, Akira was pacing nervously. Before the swordsman even was in front of him, he spoke.
“What did she say?!” he asked anxiously.
“I tried, I really did,” Gourry sighed.
“What am I gonna do?” Akira questioned helplessly.
“Well, maybe you were right. Maybe it’s time for you to move on.”
“I wasn’t right, she loves me!”
“Then give her time.”
“We’ve been together for 10 years. She’s part of me, I don’t know how to be anyone but a part of us. What if something happened to her? I’d lose her forever! I’d go crazy, I couldn’t cope...”
“What if something happened to you?”
“That would kill her, but what could happen to me?” He turned his back on Gourry, but then, his friend’s idea dawned on him. He turned back quickly. “You’re one clever SOB, that’s brilliant! You’re a genius! You challenge me, I let you win, she’ll rush to my rescue, save me, love me forever!”
“No, no, that would never work. She would never believe that we would fight to the death.”
Akira let out a pitiful breath and turned his back on Gourry again.
“Oh, it’s hopeless.”
Gourry walked back over to his friend and spoke over his shoulder.
Akira turned back to him as Gourry cast a caniving smile.
“It’s finally happened. You’ve lost... your mind!”
Inside Gourry’s chateau, the swordsman was talking to Zelgadis, who was watching Gourry pour him a cup of hot tea. He was comfortably seated on the couch, but he didn’t look too comfortable.
“Well, come on, Zelgadis. You’ll be doing them an incredible favor.”
He sat down and poured himself a cup.
“Read my lips! N-O.”
“O-K!” Gourry sighed. “You’ll be doing me a favor!” He held up a pitcher. “Milk?”
He poured some milk into Zelgadis’ tea.
“Oh, that’s not fair, you’re making it personal now,” sighed the chimera sarcastically. “You think I feel guilty when I say no?”
Gourry held up a bowl, which had sugar cubes in it.
“Sugar?” he offered.
Zelgadis sighed and took a cube.
“I haven’t felt guilt since I met Lina,” he stated simply. Then, he chuckled. “I don’t even know these people!”
“Yeah, that’s why I’m asking you! All you have to do is act a little!” Gourry exclaimed, pouring some milk into his own tea and taking a couple sugar cubes.
“Do I look like an actor?”
“You were working with your grandfather for years, nobody suspected you.” He sighed. “Don’t you want to see Akira and Amaya live happily ever after?”
He handed Zelgadis a plate of cookies, and he took one. As Gourry put it back on the table, Zelgadis spoke.
“Yeah, but I want to see me live happily ever after even more!”
“Oh, come on Zelgadis.” He paused as Zelgadis chuckled, shaking his head a bit. “They won’t even know who you are. You’ll just be some mysterious chimera, coming after Akira’s life.” He stood and walked behind the couch, holding something in his hand. “Akira and Amaya’s marriage is in your hands.”
Zelgadis turned and leaned on his elbow, looking up at Gourry.
“You’re not listening to me. I don’t give a damn about their marriage.”
“Well, I do,” Gourry responded flatly.
Zelgadis thought for a second.
“Is it really that important to you?” he asked.
“Yes, it’s that,” Gourry started, bapping Zelgadis on the head with the object in his hand, “important to me.”
Zelgadis turned and leaned back against the couch, thinking.
“Okay, I’ll do this for you.” He looked around a bit. “You give me the Hikari no Ken.”
Gourry laughed a bit.
“Right, like you’re serious.”
Zelgadis’ eyes followed Gourry as he started to walk away.
“Yeah, I’m serious.” Gourry stared at him for a minute. “I’d feel a lot safer with one of the objects that can kill me out of someone else’s hands. That’s the deal, take it or leave it.”
There was a pause.
“Fine, if that’s what it takes.”
“That’s what it takes.”
Gourry turned to Zelgadis.
“You’d better make it look good.”
“Like you say, dah-ling! I’m an actor!”
Gourry put his cup up to his lips, and spat out his next line.
Later, Gourry and Amaya were racing towards an area of the woods.
“Well, who is this chimera? Where did Akira meet him?”
“I’m not sure!” exclaimed Gourry. “I think he’s one of those young ones, who kills for sport!” He paused for a moment, then sighed. “I think he’s good.”
He glanced at her quickly, then looked back ahead of him.
Amaya looked at Gourry.
“You don’t think he could actually win?!”
“Well, I don’t know! Akira didn’t seem to have the old fire! It was as if he had nothing left to live for.”
In a clearing in the woods, Zelgadis was looking carefully at the sword in his hands. Akira was doing some practice moves.
“DeChante, Smith, Winston, I must’ve sailed with half the dragon hunters on the Demon’s Sea.” He chuckled. “I kind of miss those old ships.”
“Not me, I hate the sea.”
Zelgadis rested the blade of his sword on his hand.
“Oh? Why’s that?” asked Akira.
“A couple of years ago, Gourry’s girlfriend Lina used me for an anchor. Four of them on that ship, mouth-to-mouth from the captain...”
“Oooh,” shuddered Akira.
At that point, they heard someone running up. Looking around, they saw Gourry and Amaya at a distance in the woods.
“Showtime,” they said together.
Still looking towards the two, they started to fight weakly. As they came up closer, they went at it.
Amaya drew her own sword, preparing to attack herself, when Gourry threw his arms around her waist.
“No!” he shouted. “No, Amaya, you can’t interfere!!”
The two swordsmen really seemed to be going at it. Then, their swords met, their faces inches from each other.
“Here comes a lunge, return, hip thrust, jump back,” Zelgadis murmured through gritted teeth.
They pulled apart and went at it again, doing the exact same moves that Zelgadis advised. Gourry was still fighting to hold Amaya back as she shouted Akira’s name. He was losing his grip.
After a few more moments, their blades locked again.
“That should do it,” muttered Akira. “Now give me a jab, not too deep.”
“Wuss, where’s your sense of drama?” At that point, Zelgadis shoved his sword through Akira’s midsection. Being a talented swordsman himself, he knew the pierce wouldn’t kill him. Akira, however, was caught off-guard. The chimera shrugged a bit. “Sorry.”
He pulled out his sword as Akira fell. At that point, Gourry couldn’t keep a grip on Amaya any longer, and she broke free, running towards Zelgadis.
“Leave him alone!!” she shouted. “I’ll kill you!!”
Zelgadis faultered a bit, then took off running.
“Amaya...” whispered Akira.
Amaya froze, dropping her sword. Quickly, she turned and fell to her knees beside Akira. Energy glowed around her hands. She was casting a healing spell.
“I’m sorry, Akira,” she murmured.
Gourry walked past them quickly, up to where Zelgadis was standing behind a tree.
“What the hell was that?!” growled Zelgadis. “You were supposed to keep her away, she was going to kill me!!”
“Get out of here,” snapped Gourry.
In the background, Amaya was still apologizing.
“I’m sorry, Akira, I’ll never leave you again,” she said.
“Oh, Amaya,” whispered Akira.
They kissed as Gourry walked up, clearing his throat. Then, he smiled a bit.
“He’s gone. I think Amaya scared him off. We won’t be seeing him again,” he stated confidently.
“I do...” growled Amaya. “I’m going to find that kisama and make him pay. If it’s the last thing I do...”
Gourry and Akira exchanged glances. Uh-oh. But before anything could be said, Amaya kissed Akira again.
“I knew it,” growled Zelgadis lowly, back at the chateau, then snapped, “I knew it!” Gourry let out a sigh. Zelgadis was so angry, he was laughing a bit. “Getting between a married couple. That’s a rule I haven’t broken in so many years! I knew this would happen...”
“She’ll cool off. I’m just telling you to be careful, that’s all,” Gourry pressed nervously.
“Great. So I lose my life after eighteen years just so you can play marriage guidance councelor! I must’ve been out of my mind!!”
“Oh, come on, Zelgadis! The marriage is in two days time! All you have to do is lay low for a while! They’ll go on their honeymoon, they’ll be gone for at least half a year! She’ll forget all about this!”
“Stick your life on that, would you?”
“Okay, give me the sword... and the keys to the chateau.”
“What sword? And the keys?”
“Hikari no Ken, and the keys.to the.chateau.”
“You weren’t serious, you were testing me.”
“If I’m gonna die, you’re gonna pay me for it. Give me the sword and the keys.”
“I can’t give you the sword, it’s been in my family for generations!! And my mother left this house to me!!”
“Nice job. Give me the sword and the keys.” Gourry looked around a bit, then reluctantly pulled his sword out of the scabbard, grabbing the keys with his other hand. He hesitated a moment. “Come on.”
“With friends like you, who needs enemies?”
He threw the sword and keys to Zelgadis, who caught one object in each hand.
“I was just thinking the same thing.”
Gourry went to sit down, but Zelgadis hurried over to him.
“What? This is my chair?”
“No. My chair now.” He pushed Gourry away and sat down, propping his feet up on a stack of papers that were on the desk. Gourry stammered for words. Zelgadis continued, in a fairly sing-song voice. “You know where the door is.” Gourry pushed Zelgadis’ feet off the desk and picked up the papers, then started tromping off towards the door. Zelgadis grinned again and sat up straight. “Have a nice day.”
“You saved my marriage,” Akira sighed later as he poored Gourry a glass of wine. “I don’t know how I can thank you enough. You and your friend, Graywords.” He turned and sat the wine glass down, then rubbed the spot where the wound had been. “He didn’t have to try so hard, though.”
“Yeah,” Gourry said, “but it worked, didn’t it?”
They tapped their glasses together, then lowered them.
“Gourry, you should’ve seen her, she was an animal,” stated Akira. “It turned her on so much, she -- uh...” He chuckled as Gourry sipped his wine.
“We may have to do this again sometime.”
Gourry laughed and said, “Forget it.” He paused, looking around for Amaya. “Where is she?” Akira grew serious, holding his glass in his hands and looking down at it. Gourry, noticing, leaned forward a bit. “Akira...”
“Uh... we had another little argument.”
“Oh, no! Not again, what now?!”
“I wanted you to best man, and she wanted you to give her away.”
“You can tell her that either way is fine with me.”
“Well, you can tell her yourself...”
Gourry started to take a sip of his wine...
“...when she gets back from your place.”
Gourry choked on the wine, nearly spitting it out.
He put his glass down so hard that it broke.
Gourry grabbed Akira’s wrist and yanked him up, setting HIS glass down on the table so hard that it broke as well.
“C’mon, c’mon! We’ve gotta go!!”
And with that, they were off.
Meanwhile, back at the chateau, Zelgadis was looking through Gourry’s selection of music.
“Opera, opera, opera... opera...” he murmured under his breath. “There’s a lot of opera here... Gotta do something about this music. There’s no Lehrer, no... Hayashibara...”
Suddenly, he heard the door creep open.
Turning around, he found Amaya, holding Gourry’s sword in her hands!! She was daring straight at him, the light blade extended.
“You,” she snarled.
“Uh... I can explain!!” Zelgadis blurted. He started to walk to the side, and she turned to follow. He was trying to get to his sword, which was lying on the couch. “It was a joke!”
“I’m not laughing! Where’s Gourry? Dead?!” shouted Amaya angrily.
“No! It was all a big mistake!” Zelgadis countered, looking between Amaya and his sword.
“Huge,” Amaya retorted, “and you made it when you tried to kill my husband.”
Zelgadis stood perfectly still, his eyes on his sword. Then, he looked back at Amaya.
“I knew this would happen,” he groaned.
He reached for his sword as Amaya brought the sword down, right where towards his neck.
Outside, Gourry and Akira were running up to the chateau.
“Ohmigods, this is a mess,” groaned Akira.
“Would she go for his head?!” Gourry asked frantically.
“Yes, she would.”
“...This is a mess.”
As they ran up, they saw Amaya walking out of the house with the Hikari no Ken in hand, past the enclosed porch, which had its windows open.
“Amaya!” cried Akira. He walked up and stopped in front of her. “What happened?”
“It’s over,” Amaya stated simply. “The son of a bitch is dead.”
“You killed him?!” Gourry exclaimed, completely panic stricken.
“He tried for Akira, tried to kill the man I love,” explanied Amaya. “No one does that and lives.”
“NO!!” cried Gourry desperately. He too ran up to Amaya. “No...”
“Sorry about the mess in there,” Amaya said calmly.
“No, no, it was all an act!!” Gourry blurted in fear. He turned to Akira. “Tell her!!” Suddenly, they heard movement from the chateau. Out from behind the opened window popped Zelgadis, a smile on his face. Gourry, looking frustrated, stared back at the smiling Amaya. “Not funny.”
“Oh, I don’t know,” Zelgadis chuckled. “Pretty funny from here.”
“Oh, really, how ‘bout I should kill you then, how ‘bout that?” asked Gourry harshly, storming up to Zelgadis as the chimera backed up.
Amaya and Akira walked up.
“What’s the matter, Gourry?” asked Amaya. “Can’t you take a joke?”
“Well, Kale would’ve thought it was pretty funny,” Gourry said flatly.
“So... are you going to give me away?” continued Amaya.
“No,” spat Gourry.
Amaya leaned against him, a hand on his chest.
“Oh, pleeease, Gourry,” she pleaded innocently.
Gourry dipped Amaya forward, in a tango move.
“Aw, all right,” he chuckled. He let Amaya go, not pushing her, but to the point where she fell into Akira. “Take her home, for gods’ sake.”
Inside the chateau later, Gourry and Zelgadis are still a bit bitter with each other. Gourry has a crate full of straw, taking out the straw and dumping it on the floor. Zelgadis, on the other hand, was walking back and forth in the background.
“Look at this place,” he groaned, “I’ve never seen such a mess.” He tossed a pile of blankets onto a couch, then picked up some sheets. “These sheets are disgusting.” He looked at Gourry and smirked. “Hey, enough with the mess, Nepha and I may honeymoon here.”
“Oh, I’m sorry,” Gourry said, a hint of sarcasm in his voice, and tossed another handful of straw down. Zelgadis stopped and narrowed his eyes slightly. Gourry, by now, was holding an antique Ming vase in his hands. “My wedding present to them. Only one of six left in the world.”
“Back when I lived while traveling, you could find those things for a dime a dozen,” Zelgadis chuckled. “If I only knew then what I know now.”
“Pity,” spat Gourry. “So what’d you get them? A toaster?”
Zelgadis sat down on a step.
“You know, you’re right. They are a unique couple, so I figured I’d give them something unique,” he shrugged.
Gourry was polishing the vase with his glove.
“Oh, really? What?”
Gourry’s eyes grew wide, and he turned abruptly to Zelgadis.
“The chateau?! You can’t give them the chateau!”
“It’s my chateau, I’ll do what I like with it.”
Gourry looked at the vase for a moment, then reached inside and pulled out some more straw, flinging it all over the place.
“But then, I figured everyone else got them something unique, so I got them a toaster.” Gourry was shaking the straw out of the vase now, while watching Zelgadis. Suddenly, the chimera tossed the sword at him. Without thinking, Gourry dropped the vase and caught the sword. “Keep this and the chateau, I’ve got a palace and a sword of my own.” Gourry was trying to splutter out something, but couldn’t find the words. He was watching Zelgadis. “Clean up the mess.”
Gourry watched as Zelgadis started to walk out. He opened the door, turned and tossed a broom that was leaning against the wall at Gourry, then walked out.
To Be Continued!
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